Lost & Dying

Have you ever come to a place in life, where you are looking for something but you don't know what it is?

For me it came at a time when I had been married for 17 years and had two beautiful children, a boy & girl and in general life was life.

But deep within me - something kept saying there was something missing from deep within me - TRUE LOVE.

All my life I had heard the word LOVE but I never knew what it meant.

In general the world promotes love as a sexual relationship.

So one day I simply set out on a search to find LOVE in its purest form and I walked away from my marriage, work, and friends and set out not knowing where I was going.

In reality I was so broken inside that I was running from everything in my life, however something drove me onwards.

At this time my Father became very sick and in a short space of time he became critically ill.

There came a time when myself and one of my brothers had to decide whether to take off him the life giving machines as the doctors told us that his heart and kidneys etc were all failing.

So we decided to give him his dignity by disconnecting these machines that were keeping him alive.

DAD lasted another 11 hours and passed on 10 minutes after his sisters had arrived and spoken to him (both of whom know and have the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior).

The moment DAD passed on something in me broke and tears flowed gently down my face. But I steeled myself and controlled the emotions and soon after left.

A reaction ground into me by the world, Men don't cry - Men are not allowed to show their feelings.

During the next six months my life went down hill - I was drinking heavily and driving home. Many times not knowing how I managed to get safely home.

Also during this period I fell into a relationship with a married woman not knowing what I was really looking for. I had this emptiness welling up inside me along with pain, fear of not knowing what to do and who to reach out to.

Along the pathway I was walking, I went to see a friend in another part of New Zealand, who talked to me about God and suggested when I returned home, I should go to a church.

This I did and after going for some four times I asked the then Pastor if I could see him and talk some things through.

I praise God for the sensitivity to the Holy Spirit of this man as he never spoke a word at any of our meetings.

He simply took me to his office and said I was to sit in one place and he would sit across the room and I was free to start anywhere I liked.

He would not say a word to me except that he would be praying to the Lord. I no sooner opened my mouth and this rush of tears and a little boy’s voice cried out why was everyone leaving me.

Dad recently - mom when I one, my wife, my friends. In a short space of time in the sanctuary of Lord I asked him to come into my HEART.

Since this time Jesus Christ - The Father - The Son - The Holy Spirit - has shown me exactly what TRUE LOVE is.

Many might say you only needed to deal with some unresolved issues within you. That is only partially right - my life in the world had no basis - it was built on shifting sands - my soul was empty and I dying from within.

I had no hope, no future and no where to go or hide. Man could provide me with no answers.

When I opened my heart Jesus Christ gave me TRUE LOVE that which I will carry in my heart until the day I pass on through this life to the place He has prepared for me. The world cannot and did not give me this LOVE, only JESUS CHRIST could and did!

All this happened when I was 40 years old. Over the next five years, the Lord gave me the opportunity to ask my wife for forgiveness for all the pain and hurt and sorrow I caused her.

Even if there was any hope of reconciliation - Her answer was NO - she said I had changed so much she no longer knew who I was.

Praise God for it being so visible to one not walking with the Lord. The Lord has allowed me to rebuild my relationships with my children which now stand on a base that will never be shaken - JESUS CHRIST.

There are many changes and blessings as I have walked with Jesus during these years which have changed those things that the world has ground into me as a man, it would be impossible for me to write them all down here.

Are you at that place where I was? If so Jesus is available right now to help you as he did me!

Jesus said "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord."

Jesus spoke all the above to me and did all those things for me, PLUS He said He will never leave me - never forsake me - never leave me as an orphan.

What awesome news. It was to me and can be to you as I was truly lost & dying.

If you are in that same place I was, then allow Jesus to do what He said he would do and does do, LOVE, HEAL AND SET YOU FREE.